1:15

In keeping with the blog challenges happening over here, here and here. This is what I was doing at 1:15 today.And because I can't "just" take a picture of myself reading blogs and playing working on Photoshop, I had to try out some new Actions I just bought on sale. For just over a dollar, I got an Action for Photoshop that takes a normal photo and makes it all bent and stacked and shadowed like the above picture. All I had to do was open my photo, load my action and then press play. Too cool. I LOVE Photoshop Actions.

And then I had to take another one with the cool Effects on PhotoBooth, just cuz I'm fun like that.

Yeah, you know you want to be like me.

I Hate to Admit...

An idea copied from these three sisters whom I adore: Lisa, Amy and Rachael.

I hate to admit...

::That I have no guilt whatsoever for using the television as a babysitter.

::That I would gladly wear my hair in a ponytail everyday if I didn't feel like such a slacker doing so.

::That if you are a woman who has given birth to even one child and can now fit into clothing in any sizes smaller than a 12 without having to give up all your favorite foods and exercising for months on end, I secretly despise you. Okay, maybe I just secretly envy you, but it sometimes feels a little stronger than that.

::That I know I'm overweight, I know I need to lose the weight, I WANT to lose the weight, but I'm such a HUGE emotional eater and gigantic pessimist that I figure, "why bother, I'll just fail." (And then I eat another bag of candy).

::That sometimes, the ONLY thing that can make me happy is something yummy to eat and fizzy to drink...and I'm afraid I might be teaching this habit to my children.

::That I don't like going to church. I KNOW, it's awful to admit, but it's the truth. It's emotionally and physically exhausting for me, I hate sitting still for that long and being social with everyone just hurts. I know it's where I need to be, I know my children need to be there, I desperately need the extra blessings and yet, I can't help but wish I could just go and not have to talk to anyone, you know? Social anxiety, anyone? Nah, I just don't like people. :)

::That I secretly enjoy listening to music that has "questionable" lyrics. And watching television shows that when I was a teenager my mom would surely walk in and say, "Does this show have any redeeming value?". And sometimes a book that actually has adult themes to it and I don't gasp in shocked horror. I know, I'm going to hell.

::That sometimes I say words like hell and damn. Out loud. (Not in front of the kiddos, though... Give me a little credit, people!)

::That I constantly worry that people won't like me and then I go and admit WAY TOO MUCH on my blog over and over. TMI, anyone?

::That I take a book with me wherever I go and am always reading, even while brushing my teeth. And I liked vampires WAY before there ever was an Edward.

::That two of my all-time favorite television shows were Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Roswell. Live long, teen drama!!

::That my dog figured out how to knock over our laundry hamper and ATE 3 pairs of my underwear this week. Seriously.

::That I sometimes wish I could just go on a date with my sister instead of my husband. Not cause I don't love him, just cause she truly appreciates eating and movies just as much as I do. And she can make me giggle harder than anyone else.

::That I used to have TONS of guilt and stress over making the decision to not have any more children (I'm totally losing my Mormon card over all these confessions, aren't I?), but have slowly come to terms with it and now I not only have no regrets, I'm actually pretty happy about it.

::That I often have a hard time liking my children. Motherhood is NOT what I thought it would be. I do love them to pieces, though. I promise.

::That I'm really, really stubborn and DON'T LIKE being told what to do. Nate has perfected the art of making me think it was my idea. (I'm on to you, babe!) Often when I'm told what to do, I will do the complete opposite even when I know I shouldn't just because... I totally got this trait from my Dad.

::I'm really impatient. I often yell at the computer if it doesn't respond quickly enough or throw remotes when televisions don't work. Yeah, it's a great skill I'm teaching my girls. I just might have gotten this trait from my Dad, as well. :)

::I'm a bit of a snob when it comes to gadget-y stuff. I want a computer that works (a Mac) and I won't quit arguing with you until you agree that they're the best or walk away, that my internet speed MUST be fast enough that I don't ever have to wait (I'll give up grocery money for this!), that software should do what it says it will at a reasonable price, etc. I would rather get a new computer for my anniversary over a new diamond any day.

::I detest letting my kids help in the kitchen (how am I ever going to teach them to cook?!) and I would much rather clean up the house myself than listen to grumbling and whining and complaining to get them to do it. I'm so going to have those girls that go off to college and their roommates hate them because they don't know how to clean up after themselves or cook a meal. Sigh.

::I'm afraid my children don't know what vegetables are, because we don't eat them at our house.

::I came from a home where my mother cooked dinner EVERY night and somehow I barely manage to do it a couple times a week. And I actually LIKE to cook!

::I'm scared to use real onions or garlic in my recipes. They smell and have a funny texture, but I love the taste they give food when someone else uses them.

::I've edited this list about a million times now, afraid people won't like me anymore if I'm too honest.

The End.

Right Now

The dog just barked and howled through the entire visit from my visiting teachers. Stupid dog.

It's lucky Wednesday (otherwise known as: both kids at school from 8:00 to 1:20!) and I have house cleaning and an activity to prepare for, blah!

I swore to myself that I wouldn't let another month go by without posting on this here blog after my last huge post. I lied.

I blame the aforementioned lie completely on the three blog designs I've been working on for other people. Who wants to write a new blog post when there is pretty designing to be done?  Apparently not me.

Today is my first day leading the Activity Day group in our ward.  My sister and I are leaders over the 8-9 year old girls.  I'm surprisingly nervous after my lovely daughter complained last night that she wishes we were back in 3rd ward with the fun Activity Day group. Who can compete with a pool in the backyard and a real, live sno-cone maker? Really? I'll never measure up. :)

I've had a few good days mixed in with the bad this month. We've been carefully tracking my hormones with an iPod app (LOVE my new iPod touch!!) and have been very aware of the fluctuations going on in my body.  It has actually helped me prepare myself for the highs and lows a bit better and to organize my time. I've been able to be really productive when the lows have passed and more able to let things go when they creep back up on me. That said, the looming "date-of-the-month" is coming up in a couple days which means I'm in the throes of PMS right now.  I've been super productive the past couple days, getting as much done as I possibly can, dinners prepared, laundry cleaned, house chores completed.  All in the hopes that I'll be prepared to face the "bad" days when they hit. It's a surprisingly interesting situation when it creeps up on me. Almost surreal in how amazingly fast it just hits and the moods change.  I was at Target yesterday trying to get the last few things bought that I needed for today's activity when all of the sudden it felt like I'd gone down a roller coaster ride.  My chest dropped into my stomach and I felt like someone had given me some terrible news.  Literally I was fine one moment and the next I was fighting back tears.  I knew it was coming. I always do, but I'm never prepared for it. How can you prepare for your body to tell you that the world is coming to an end and you ache so much you wish you were dead? You just can't. You can be amazingly strong, emotionally resilient, smart, righteous, beautiful, whatever you want to describe that person you most admire and yet, when your brain chemistry isn't just so or your hormones aren't balanced just right, you become the child in the fetal position on the floor crying for no reason at all. We all have experienced it in varying degrees at different times or circumstances in our lives. It just happens to me every month, like clockwork, in a stronger degree than usual.

So today when my visiting teachers wanted to come, I had to swallow it and try to be okay. I have more things to do than I know how to finish when my stomach is clenching and my emotions are fried. I called Nate and cried for a little while, that usually helps.  I ate some chocolate, that always helps. It's not at its peak yet, so I have a little while before it gets strong enough that it knocks me to my knees. Nate will work extra hard this week so he can cut back a little if I need him at the end of the week, and I will.  The house is quiet right now and I'm trying to do something for me in order to calm the chaos. You can tell yourself all you want that it's "just the hormones talking", but when you really FEEL like the world is ending it's hard not to FEEL it whether you know it's real or not.

There, I talked about it. I feel a little better now. If I could just maintain that feeling through the bathroom cleaning and floor vacuuming that needs completing next...

A Great Freebie

One of my favorite digi-shops is giving away the cutest kit.  I just had to share the link.  Click on the preview to go to the article and download.  You're welcome for the heads-up.

And the Award Goes To...

My Christmas cards never made it past the first few layers in Photoshop. My master bedroom has been half-painted and we've been living in the spare room since November. I have half torn down, ugly, black curtains hanging in my dining room and all the supplies to put up new ones...since...you guessed it...November. My blog has been sitting empty, sad and neglected for months now. I would call myself an aspiring optimist, except I can't get past everything that looks so bad. ;) I'm always seeing everything half full, half done and half-...well, you know. My husband keeps saying, "It's all good, babe!" My mom is a pro at saying, "...but look what you DID get done!" I'm a work in progress. 2009 flew by with lots of big events for this little family of ours. Many of them...okay...most of them...going undocumented. Well, somebody deserves an award for all that we DID accomplish this year. Drum roll....




Going to the child who knows best how to enjoy a snack and movie (and completely ignores the cries of parents who don't want their couch cushions smushed) is the award for...





Going to the family who gave us a great, big surprise and some seriously needed Sunday dinners is the prize for...


My baby sister and her family came to live near us and we couldn't be happier about it.




To the dog who sleeps with a wiggly child, who allows pulling and tugging and some serious loving goes the award of...


Are those some serious worried eyes, or what? The girls do this far too often, I'm afraid to say. Dressing Jedda up in some getup or another. This day she was super-dog.




Who knew that a 5 year old girl could become so obsessed with dinosaurs of all things? This child amazes me at the knowledge she acquires. She's all Nate when it comes to sitting and watching documentaries for hours on end and quoting weird animal facts. To the child who makes dinosaurs look like some serious fun goes the award for...





Kenzie's baptism day was one I'll never forget. Family came, we celebrated, we played, we were together. I think that Nate would agree that this day wins the prize for the year as...





For all those moments where I make you all stand still, smile big and look pretty...this is all I get for it... The prize for...





To the most beautiful 8 year old that I've ever seen, who so happily posed and posed and posed some more for pictures on her baptism day goes the prize of...





To the man who goes along with life as it comes, hardly complaining, always looking forward and up, who only ever needs a few minutes out by the water to lift his spirits for weeks at a time goes the prize of...





To the sweet girl who totally pulls off this haircut and who will never let me choose another haircut for her again (she's BIG now, y'all!) goes the prize for...





This week wins hands down. A trip to the coast, a 2 bedroom condo, grandparents along for the ride. This week definitely wins...





Because I just wouldn't be "real" if I didn't include these little "tidbits" of our lives. This child will always win a fight of wills, always. For giving us moments that are full of joy and full of lots of "other" stuff goes the prize of...


For those of you wondering... Kenzie LOVES the beach, more than anything else. It's the one place we see her let loose, quit worrying and just shine. On the second day of our trip Nate and Natalie were catching those teeny-tiny krill fish in buckets and they showed Kenzie. Kenzie realized that millions of those little, live things were floating everywhere in the water. All of the sudden this wonderful, safe haven became another HUGE fear for her to worry over. This is Dad trying to "make" her see that she's not going to die if she touches the water. Guess what? It didn't work. Instead it took Kenzie deciding in her own good time that she would be okay if she went in the water. Typical Kenzie.




And while we're on "typical" moments in our family, we should talk a little about our many attempts at normalcy and fun. This trip would be one of them. Nate and I spent many hiking trips getting to know each other our first year of dating. He loves the outdoors and I do too, I just have the whole anxiety issues that prevent me from enjoying it to the fullest. When you're on that dating high, though, even anxiety couldn't keep me from going on those trips with him. We, of course, want to pass this love of the outdoors on to our children and have tried (multiple times) to give them some enjoyable experiences hiking and camping and boating, etc. Unfortunately, I have passed on my anxious traits to our children and Kenzie brings it all to a new level. Every trip we've gone on has stories that would either make you fall on the floor laughing or shake your head and start crying. Then, I cried...now, I try to laugh. This trip to Horsetail Falls and Multnomah Falls in the Columbia Gorge gets the award for most "typical" Trimble family outing. The pictures are pretty, you get that feeling that we're a family that plays together and has fun when you look at it. That's what we're going for, but only we get to look back on the "real" memories and just shake our heads. Sobbing in the car because shoes don't fit right, screaming on the banks of streams about getting wet or having a fish touch your feet, stomping feet and falling on the ground in defeat because the trail is too steep or too hard to go on, having hysterical panic attacks over mosquitoes (and when I say hysterical, I *mean* it), yelling at us about how boring this all is and why couldn't we have just gone to McDonalds and gotten a happy meal instead. Good times...good times... You'll notice in the picture, if you look close (don't look too close at me!) that Kenzie is giving you a half-smile. She was mad at us about something. Natalie won't even look at the picture, she's mad, as well. This was at the end of the trip and we were headed to the car. We had to make some attempt at recording our history...





At the beginning of Summer our plan was not to sell our house this year. We were going to just enjoy our time together and not stress over trying to buy and sell and move. Of course, nothing ever goes as planned. I had been watching the market so closely for over a year, we knew what kind of house we wanted, what area we wanted to live in, and how much we could afford. When the right house came on the market for a good price, we made an offer and suddenly found ourselves in a contingency to sell our own house within 60 days. The stress was on! I painted and organized and cleaned and packed up and stored and staged our house. Within a week I had it ready to put on the market. I built a website and stuck a sign in the yard and we were off and running. I thought I was going to be sick from the stress this gave me. It turns out that I worried more than I needed to (so typical). The house sold within five days. We showed it seven times and received six offers. We got full asking price and made a deal with a great LDS couple who were more than ready to move in. I seriously couldn't have asked for a better ending. People said we asked too little, but a couple thousand below the other comparable houses got people in the door and the house off the market fast. Well worth not even having to dicker over the details. I wouldn't do it any other way. So the prize for most stressful event definitely goes to having to sell the house...even if it turned out less stressful than I originally had anticipated. I should learn a lesson from this, huh?





Of course, it's always bittersweet to leave one home behind and move on to another. This being our first home, was one with all our blood, sweat and tears poured into it. Many, many regrets and mistakes and joys and experiences later, we said goodbye. It turns out it isn't all hard to say goodbye to. The winner of this prized goodbye would have to be the backyard (although the kids were pretty upset about it this winter when the snows came and we didn't have a hill to sled down)...

We poured ourselves (and way too much money) into getting this yard done. Who knew that having a big ol' hill would be so hard? Mowing was fun, just ask Nate. Having a flat yard now is well-appreciated, although we do miss that view.




And of course, with goodbyes there are always new hello's. And this would be our most exciting one of the year. Moving into our new home... With more work and painting to be done I wonder sometimes what I was thinking, but with twice the square footage, room for guests to come visit, and tons of storage space, I can't really complain.





Of course, during all the midst of this stress and exciting events, there are always those days that stand out amongst the others. This day was one of the bad ones...


My pretty car got smashed, but there are many bright sides to be seen. The girls weren't in the car when it happened, it was just Nate and I. Nobody was badly injured, just some sore muscles and aching backs. Our car was able to be fixed and everything was covered and quickly taken care of (thanks to some super-good insurance coverage - that's just for you, Russ!). Overall, a bad day that could have been so much worse.




And on to the winner of the most bittersweet day...


My baby girl starts Kindergarten. Thank goodness it's only half day and I still get her home part of the time, but it was so bittersweet to walk away from her that first day and pick her up with her big sister after school. Where did the time go?




Fall just wouldn't be complete without a trip to the local Pumpkin Patch. Those places are getting more and more expensive every year! We actually made three trips this past year. One with the Kindergarten class, one with the grandparents and one with the Reeds. I had pumpkins spilling off our front porch. This one definitely takes the prize for...






Halloween was so much fun with family here to share our time with. I had to breathe a sigh of relief when they asked to be a puppy (Kenzie) and a cat again (Natalie). The puppy costume took a bit of sewing on my part (which I prefer not to do...I can't seem to keep my fingers from getting sewed over every time I try to use that machine!), but it turned out adorable. These Halloween costumes certainly take the prize for...






We had such a great Thanksgiving. For the first time ever, we had enough room in our place to house my parents when they came and have our own big Thanksgiving feast. The food was amazing, if I do say so myself. The deep-fried Butterball Turkey was totally prize-worthy...






As much as I like to think I make a good effort at trying to get some exercise in each week, I have to say that the dog won the prize this time...






You'd think this prize came to be because my sweet girls and I are making Christmas sugar cookies together in the warmth of my new kitchen, while Christmas carols are singing in the background, but no... This one was chosen solely for the fact that I not only let them make cookies with me, but that I bit back my "control-freak" nature and let them decorate them all by themselves. They were hideous and malformed and covered in way too many sprinkles and candies, but the girls had fun and I get to say I didn't yell at them once to "do it this way!" or "Wait! That's too much!" A worthy picture to win the...






We're finally nearing the end of this award ceremony. 2009 wouldn't be complete, though, if I didn't have proof that we *tried* to be good parents. Really, we did! The girls moaned and whined and cried and yelled about going sledding every time a single flake hit the ground. We bought snow boots and snow pants and made big plans to go up to the mountains and cut down our own Christmas tree. Then we remembered that this was OUR family we were talking about and how that trip would NEVER go as imagined or hoped, so we bought a tree at Fred Meyers (even that trip was more pain and agony than I care to revisit) and we took the kids to the nearest hill (the church baseball field) and let them sled to their hearts content. Mission accomplished, no long car rides, no trekking through loads of cold snow with whiny, anxious children...I say we did good. What do you think?






And now for my final prize picture of the year... This one is big, people. Like, really, really BIG. If you know us at all, this was an accomplishment of no small means. And I get to take most of the credit for it, as well. No thanks to Nate for helping this job get done...


Yup, you see right. It's my garage...with BOTH cars parked in it!!!! Seriously HUGE, people. HUGE. I get giddy, little butterflies every time I drive up to park in it. Still.




And there you go, more than you wanted to read in one sitting. But it wouldn't be *my* blog if it wasn't verging on a small novel. I don't believe in doing it small. At least I can actually press "publish post" this time and not walk away defeated. And now you know just a tiny bit more about our year. I say *this* deserves an award in itself, right? Right.

Today I...

::Today I feel overwhelmed with the tasks ahead of me.

::Today I feel gratitude for the blessings the Lord has given me.

::Today I am amazed at this beautiful home we’ve been blessed with.

::Today I am exhausted from lack of sleep.

::Today I am tired of having sick kids...Kenzie is on her 7th day with a fever.

::Today I am excited to be working on a new Jessica Sprague journaling course, but am overwhelmed that I'm already falling behind.

::Today I am fighting the urge to sit and read a book all day long.

::Today I am surrounded by clutter and boxes and am completely baffled as to where to put it all in this front room that is supposed to be a living room, but not, because we're using it as an office.

::Today I am wishing I didn’t have to clean a brand new house because the owners before didn’t leave it that clean.

::Today I am considering making Spaghetti or Whole Wheat Waffles for dinner...which will it be?

::Today I've been sneaking bites of my favorite chocolate candy...if the kids only knew!

::Today I can’t stop visiting websites trying to find the perfect curtains to replace the broken blinds and dirty, ripped black curtains in our family/dining room area.

::Today I have a pile of paperwork I need to fill out for Kenzie’s autism evaluation in a week and a half.

::Today I can’t get the Voltron song out of my head from the kids watching endless episodes on the Netflix Roku...some serious old-skool cartoon watching going on at my house!

::Today I am tired of kicking the dog’s food bowl back to her spot, just to have her nudge it all over the kitchen floor endlessly...what is WRONG with that dog?!

::Today I almost entirely emptied the kitchen of boxes...only to KNOW that there are MORE waiting in the garage.

::Today I have piles of laundry waiting to be washed, folded and put away...but at least I get to do it in a REAL laundry room...UPSTAIRS...INSIDE the house! Did I mention how much I LOVE this new house?!

::Today I am obsessing over paint colors.

::Today I need to download the instructions for my dishwasher so I can figure out how to put all the extra separators back inside it. Who does dishes in a dishwasher without the little separator thing-ys, anyway?!

::Today I am happy that we installed a new antenna last weekend...LOVE me some beautiful HD channels for FREE!!

::Today I am thankful for good friends and family who call and email daily.

::Today I keep finding myself looking at Craigslist.com in the hopes of finding all of the different pieces of furniture I find myself now needing (WANTING) for this big ol’ house.

::Today I am excitedly anticipating the new MacMini rumored to be releasing soon...

::Today I am SO glad it's the weekend and I can finally escape this sicky house for a little while...house-bound much?!

What are you doing today?

Wrong Date....Good Intentions

Yeah, the new post I just added...not really posted in July like it says. I just started it back then. See people!? I really do have good intentions for this blog!! Just scroll down and read about our summer...written by me today...not July. :-)