And the Award Goes To...

My Christmas cards never made it past the first few layers in Photoshop. My master bedroom has been half-painted and we've been living in the spare room since November. I have half torn down, ugly, black curtains hanging in my dining room and all the supplies to put up new ones...since...you guessed it...November. My blog has been sitting empty, sad and neglected for months now. I would call myself an aspiring optimist, except I can't get past everything that looks so bad. ;) I'm always seeing everything half full, half done and half-...well, you know. My husband keeps saying, "It's all good, babe!" My mom is a pro at saying, "...but look what you DID get done!" I'm a work in progress. 2009 flew by with lots of big events for this little family of ours. Many of them...okay...most of them...going undocumented. Well, somebody deserves an award for all that we DID accomplish this year. Drum roll....




Going to the child who knows best how to enjoy a snack and movie (and completely ignores the cries of parents who don't want their couch cushions smushed) is the award for...





Going to the family who gave us a great, big surprise and some seriously needed Sunday dinners is the prize for...


My baby sister and her family came to live near us and we couldn't be happier about it.




To the dog who sleeps with a wiggly child, who allows pulling and tugging and some serious loving goes the award of...


Are those some serious worried eyes, or what? The girls do this far too often, I'm afraid to say. Dressing Jedda up in some getup or another. This day she was super-dog.




Who knew that a 5 year old girl could become so obsessed with dinosaurs of all things? This child amazes me at the knowledge she acquires. She's all Nate when it comes to sitting and watching documentaries for hours on end and quoting weird animal facts. To the child who makes dinosaurs look like some serious fun goes the award for...





Kenzie's baptism day was one I'll never forget. Family came, we celebrated, we played, we were together. I think that Nate would agree that this day wins the prize for the year as...





For all those moments where I make you all stand still, smile big and look pretty...this is all I get for it... The prize for...





To the most beautiful 8 year old that I've ever seen, who so happily posed and posed and posed some more for pictures on her baptism day goes the prize of...





To the man who goes along with life as it comes, hardly complaining, always looking forward and up, who only ever needs a few minutes out by the water to lift his spirits for weeks at a time goes the prize of...





To the sweet girl who totally pulls off this haircut and who will never let me choose another haircut for her again (she's BIG now, y'all!) goes the prize for...





This week wins hands down. A trip to the coast, a 2 bedroom condo, grandparents along for the ride. This week definitely wins...





Because I just wouldn't be "real" if I didn't include these little "tidbits" of our lives. This child will always win a fight of wills, always. For giving us moments that are full of joy and full of lots of "other" stuff goes the prize of...


For those of you wondering... Kenzie LOVES the beach, more than anything else. It's the one place we see her let loose, quit worrying and just shine. On the second day of our trip Nate and Natalie were catching those teeny-tiny krill fish in buckets and they showed Kenzie. Kenzie realized that millions of those little, live things were floating everywhere in the water. All of the sudden this wonderful, safe haven became another HUGE fear for her to worry over. This is Dad trying to "make" her see that she's not going to die if she touches the water. Guess what? It didn't work. Instead it took Kenzie deciding in her own good time that she would be okay if she went in the water. Typical Kenzie.




And while we're on "typical" moments in our family, we should talk a little about our many attempts at normalcy and fun. This trip would be one of them. Nate and I spent many hiking trips getting to know each other our first year of dating. He loves the outdoors and I do too, I just have the whole anxiety issues that prevent me from enjoying it to the fullest. When you're on that dating high, though, even anxiety couldn't keep me from going on those trips with him. We, of course, want to pass this love of the outdoors on to our children and have tried (multiple times) to give them some enjoyable experiences hiking and camping and boating, etc. Unfortunately, I have passed on my anxious traits to our children and Kenzie brings it all to a new level. Every trip we've gone on has stories that would either make you fall on the floor laughing or shake your head and start crying. Then, I cried...now, I try to laugh. This trip to Horsetail Falls and Multnomah Falls in the Columbia Gorge gets the award for most "typical" Trimble family outing. The pictures are pretty, you get that feeling that we're a family that plays together and has fun when you look at it. That's what we're going for, but only we get to look back on the "real" memories and just shake our heads. Sobbing in the car because shoes don't fit right, screaming on the banks of streams about getting wet or having a fish touch your feet, stomping feet and falling on the ground in defeat because the trail is too steep or too hard to go on, having hysterical panic attacks over mosquitoes (and when I say hysterical, I *mean* it), yelling at us about how boring this all is and why couldn't we have just gone to McDonalds and gotten a happy meal instead. Good times...good times... You'll notice in the picture, if you look close (don't look too close at me!) that Kenzie is giving you a half-smile. She was mad at us about something. Natalie won't even look at the picture, she's mad, as well. This was at the end of the trip and we were headed to the car. We had to make some attempt at recording our history...





At the beginning of Summer our plan was not to sell our house this year. We were going to just enjoy our time together and not stress over trying to buy and sell and move. Of course, nothing ever goes as planned. I had been watching the market so closely for over a year, we knew what kind of house we wanted, what area we wanted to live in, and how much we could afford. When the right house came on the market for a good price, we made an offer and suddenly found ourselves in a contingency to sell our own house within 60 days. The stress was on! I painted and organized and cleaned and packed up and stored and staged our house. Within a week I had it ready to put on the market. I built a website and stuck a sign in the yard and we were off and running. I thought I was going to be sick from the stress this gave me. It turns out that I worried more than I needed to (so typical). The house sold within five days. We showed it seven times and received six offers. We got full asking price and made a deal with a great LDS couple who were more than ready to move in. I seriously couldn't have asked for a better ending. People said we asked too little, but a couple thousand below the other comparable houses got people in the door and the house off the market fast. Well worth not even having to dicker over the details. I wouldn't do it any other way. So the prize for most stressful event definitely goes to having to sell the house...even if it turned out less stressful than I originally had anticipated. I should learn a lesson from this, huh?





Of course, it's always bittersweet to leave one home behind and move on to another. This being our first home, was one with all our blood, sweat and tears poured into it. Many, many regrets and mistakes and joys and experiences later, we said goodbye. It turns out it isn't all hard to say goodbye to. The winner of this prized goodbye would have to be the backyard (although the kids were pretty upset about it this winter when the snows came and we didn't have a hill to sled down)...

We poured ourselves (and way too much money) into getting this yard done. Who knew that having a big ol' hill would be so hard? Mowing was fun, just ask Nate. Having a flat yard now is well-appreciated, although we do miss that view.




And of course, with goodbyes there are always new hello's. And this would be our most exciting one of the year. Moving into our new home... With more work and painting to be done I wonder sometimes what I was thinking, but with twice the square footage, room for guests to come visit, and tons of storage space, I can't really complain.





Of course, during all the midst of this stress and exciting events, there are always those days that stand out amongst the others. This day was one of the bad ones...


My pretty car got smashed, but there are many bright sides to be seen. The girls weren't in the car when it happened, it was just Nate and I. Nobody was badly injured, just some sore muscles and aching backs. Our car was able to be fixed and everything was covered and quickly taken care of (thanks to some super-good insurance coverage - that's just for you, Russ!). Overall, a bad day that could have been so much worse.




And on to the winner of the most bittersweet day...


My baby girl starts Kindergarten. Thank goodness it's only half day and I still get her home part of the time, but it was so bittersweet to walk away from her that first day and pick her up with her big sister after school. Where did the time go?




Fall just wouldn't be complete without a trip to the local Pumpkin Patch. Those places are getting more and more expensive every year! We actually made three trips this past year. One with the Kindergarten class, one with the grandparents and one with the Reeds. I had pumpkins spilling off our front porch. This one definitely takes the prize for...






Halloween was so much fun with family here to share our time with. I had to breathe a sigh of relief when they asked to be a puppy (Kenzie) and a cat again (Natalie). The puppy costume took a bit of sewing on my part (which I prefer not to do...I can't seem to keep my fingers from getting sewed over every time I try to use that machine!), but it turned out adorable. These Halloween costumes certainly take the prize for...






We had such a great Thanksgiving. For the first time ever, we had enough room in our place to house my parents when they came and have our own big Thanksgiving feast. The food was amazing, if I do say so myself. The deep-fried Butterball Turkey was totally prize-worthy...






As much as I like to think I make a good effort at trying to get some exercise in each week, I have to say that the dog won the prize this time...






You'd think this prize came to be because my sweet girls and I are making Christmas sugar cookies together in the warmth of my new kitchen, while Christmas carols are singing in the background, but no... This one was chosen solely for the fact that I not only let them make cookies with me, but that I bit back my "control-freak" nature and let them decorate them all by themselves. They were hideous and malformed and covered in way too many sprinkles and candies, but the girls had fun and I get to say I didn't yell at them once to "do it this way!" or "Wait! That's too much!" A worthy picture to win the...






We're finally nearing the end of this award ceremony. 2009 wouldn't be complete, though, if I didn't have proof that we *tried* to be good parents. Really, we did! The girls moaned and whined and cried and yelled about going sledding every time a single flake hit the ground. We bought snow boots and snow pants and made big plans to go up to the mountains and cut down our own Christmas tree. Then we remembered that this was OUR family we were talking about and how that trip would NEVER go as imagined or hoped, so we bought a tree at Fred Meyers (even that trip was more pain and agony than I care to revisit) and we took the kids to the nearest hill (the church baseball field) and let them sled to their hearts content. Mission accomplished, no long car rides, no trekking through loads of cold snow with whiny, anxious children...I say we did good. What do you think?






And now for my final prize picture of the year... This one is big, people. Like, really, really BIG. If you know us at all, this was an accomplishment of no small means. And I get to take most of the credit for it, as well. No thanks to Nate for helping this job get done...


Yup, you see right. It's my garage...with BOTH cars parked in it!!!! Seriously HUGE, people. HUGE. I get giddy, little butterflies every time I drive up to park in it. Still.




And there you go, more than you wanted to read in one sitting. But it wouldn't be *my* blog if it wasn't verging on a small novel. I don't believe in doing it small. At least I can actually press "publish post" this time and not walk away defeated. And now you know just a tiny bit more about our year. I say *this* deserves an award in itself, right? Right.

Today I...

::Today I feel overwhelmed with the tasks ahead of me.

::Today I feel gratitude for the blessings the Lord has given me.

::Today I am amazed at this beautiful home we’ve been blessed with.

::Today I am exhausted from lack of sleep.

::Today I am tired of having sick kids...Kenzie is on her 7th day with a fever.

::Today I am excited to be working on a new Jessica Sprague journaling course, but am overwhelmed that I'm already falling behind.

::Today I am fighting the urge to sit and read a book all day long.

::Today I am surrounded by clutter and boxes and am completely baffled as to where to put it all in this front room that is supposed to be a living room, but not, because we're using it as an office.

::Today I am wishing I didn’t have to clean a brand new house because the owners before didn’t leave it that clean.

::Today I am considering making Spaghetti or Whole Wheat Waffles for dinner...which will it be?

::Today I've been sneaking bites of my favorite chocolate candy...if the kids only knew!

::Today I can’t stop visiting websites trying to find the perfect curtains to replace the broken blinds and dirty, ripped black curtains in our family/dining room area.

::Today I have a pile of paperwork I need to fill out for Kenzie’s autism evaluation in a week and a half.

::Today I can’t get the Voltron song out of my head from the kids watching endless episodes on the Netflix Roku...some serious old-skool cartoon watching going on at my house!

::Today I am tired of kicking the dog’s food bowl back to her spot, just to have her nudge it all over the kitchen floor endlessly...what is WRONG with that dog?!

::Today I almost entirely emptied the kitchen of boxes...only to KNOW that there are MORE waiting in the garage.

::Today I have piles of laundry waiting to be washed, folded and put away...but at least I get to do it in a REAL laundry room...UPSTAIRS...INSIDE the house! Did I mention how much I LOVE this new house?!

::Today I am obsessing over paint colors.

::Today I need to download the instructions for my dishwasher so I can figure out how to put all the extra separators back inside it. Who does dishes in a dishwasher without the little separator thing-ys, anyway?!

::Today I am happy that we installed a new antenna last weekend...LOVE me some beautiful HD channels for FREE!!

::Today I am thankful for good friends and family who call and email daily.

::Today I keep finding myself looking at Craigslist.com in the hopes of finding all of the different pieces of furniture I find myself now needing (WANTING) for this big ol’ house.

::Today I am excitedly anticipating the new MacMini rumored to be releasing soon...

::Today I am SO glad it's the weekend and I can finally escape this sicky house for a little while...house-bound much?!

What are you doing today?

Wrong Date....Good Intentions

Yeah, the new post I just added...not really posted in July like it says. I just started it back then. See people!? I really do have good intentions for this blog!! Just scroll down and read about our summer...written by me today...not July. :-)

Summer 2009

Somehow this Summer just flew by unreasonably fast. I still keep thinking, "Summer's over already?!" and we're already quickly approaching October!

We DID work really hard at having FUN this summer and lots of it. It's the first summer we've had where school is not looming heavily over Nate's shoulders. The first summer where vacation time is on the books and waiting to be used. The first summer we haven't had HUGE yard and/or house projects begging to be accomplished.

In May we had a weekend where we made an offer on a house and then pulled out after realizing the epic amounts of work required to make it happen (it was a REPO). After months of wondering if we should sell while the market is good (and it really IS good in the Tri-cities right now) and find a house that's actually larger than 1000 square feet, we finally had to sit down and make a decision if trying to sell our house all summer long was how we wanted to spend it. It was decided that this family needs some peace and fun for once and the house selling would have to wait until next year. And then we both heaved huge sighs of relief and got busy planning summer.

And of course, no summer is complete without a trip to the zoo. Well, at least WE haven't seen a trip to the zoo in way too long...so in May we stopped for a few hours on our way home from family.




June just wouldn't be June without swim lessons, sun burns, park trips and the annual "Filling Of The Pool"...as witnessed below...




Of course, most of you haven't heard about our newest family addition. Since you know that we aren't having any more of the human variety added to this nest, then it would have to be a new pet! And, yeah, we haven't told A SOUL about him since we're just so embarrassed that we could possibly be silly enough to add one more doggy-door-using type around here. Now's the time to introduce him....

















even though he WAS quite a surprise to even US......

















Here he is.... In all his red-hair glory....

















Oh wait.... That's not a DOG! That's not even a CAT!




That would be the little 11 month old that I couldn't keep out of my dog door all summer long! Isn't Cade the cutest?! :-)

Our summer wouldn't have been complete without a trip to the beach for a week. And so that's what we did. I found a DEAL on Craigslist for a 2 bedroom condo at Long Beach, Washington for the 4th of July week! We were completely stoked and immediately called these two people to drive on up from Utah and enjoy it with us...



My Mom and Dad aren't ones to turn down a trip to the NW coast, as that's where they spent the majority of their years before turning ship and going to Utah (of ALL the places!). It was an amazing week! Just too much fun. One blog post couldn't ever do it justice, but I'll try...

We got to see an incredible Fireworks show right on the beach, with the waves crashing behind us and thousands of people lighting off all their own fireworks all around us. Scared me to death, but was something I'll never forget!

We spent all our quiet, down time in the condo working our hearts out on this...




1000 pieces! And we finished it the night before we left! Kenzie and Natie were even big helps and my mom and I obsessed over it just a little... Nate and my Dad tried a piece or two and then went back to their laptops. :-)

We tried to go see as many scenic places that we could, like the Astoria tower...




Or the Northhead Lighthouse that Natalie was too young to go up in, so I stayed with her and we played with the camera...




We got as much playtime on the beach as we could possibly cram into one week...





And now I have way too many beautiful photos to choose from to scrap! It was a week to be remembered, for sure!

On the way home, Nate got the grand idea of stopping in the Gorge to do some hiking. No, really, it WAS a good idea...we're just not usually the family that can handle that much STUFF in one day. It turned out to be really awesome, though. Nate and I spent quite a few of our first years together hiking trails in the Gorge, Mt. St. Helens, Rainier and more. Doing it with kids is a new adventure...doing it with OUR kids brings new meaning to the saying... "Get it off!! Get it OFF!! Nature is all OVER me!!!!" Our poor, nature-deprived, overly-sensitive 8 year old girl...she's one of a kind. It was a good day, though. A long, good day...




And if that's not enough to keep us busy, we also had tons of family come visit, a few trips out to the Hermiston Aquatic Park, lots of picnics at the park, plenty of afternoons playing in our little pool, a few trips to paddle around in our canoe, a few free movie mornings, lots of quiet afternoons at home watching movies...




...and even a few trips out on Nate's Dad's new boat. Thank goodness he decided to buy one and saved us a few thousand dollars...




All in all a fantastic summer. And so as not to leave you without a little anticipation for the next elusive blog post, I'll give you a little hint to how we finished out our summer...

Next week...



We're Moving!!!

March and April 2009

This is so, so sad. The state of my blog. I mean, really?! It's been since April that I posted. Time for a serious update...

March
(Yep, I'm really going back that far!)

In February we got some fabulous news. Most of you already know it, but it bears repeating on the blog. This amazing and incredible sister of mine called to say our lives would be changing. Her hubby had gotten a job here in Pasco, Washington of all places and they were moving in just a few weeks...all the way from Albuquerque, NM!! I thought I was going to die of happiness, the news was THAT good. Not a month before we had finally given up on our dream of moving to family. Tri-cities was going to become our permanent home (for the moment, anyway) and we were trying to hand things back over to the Lord. He had other plans for us than we could understand. I felt like I was being given a gift from Heaven. I know...so cheesy, but really, I couldn't have asked for anything better than getting my sister to live down the street from me. And really, she DOES live just down the street from me. In March they came to live in our little neighborhood. We have Sunday dinners together and park trips and movie nights and swap babysitting and daily phone calls and the best ever baby kisses from Cade that fill up that empty (I'm not having anymore babies) spot in my heart. It is the best. Truly. And we all really like Rick, too. :-) (That's just for you, Ricky!)

So, March was full of visits from Grandma and Grandpa, and helping Rick and Jen move and Natalie turned 5!! My baby is going to be a kindergartner! Oh, what has happened to the time!? We have been pleasantly surprised to find Natalie has a new obsession with Dinosaurs. I'm not sure how it started? She loves to watch documentaries with her Daddy...maybe she saw one and loved it? It's been all about Dinos around here for quite a few months now. She wanted a dinosaur party with a dinosaur cake. She wanted dinosaur toys for her presents, too. We had a small family party (we actually have family here to do that now!!!) on her birthday because she got sick and then had a friend dinosaur party the next week. She was so spoiled. We had dino cake and pin-the-horn on the Stegasaurous games and lots of fun dino presents. Here are some pics to see all the action...


April

April was such a big month! We had so much going on and so much more to be grateful for. April saw our first Spring trip to the park with Rick and Jen. I'm afraid April scared them a little. While Albuquerque was seeing 80 degree weather and the opening of this sister's pool...we were having a LOT of rain showers. It just kept raining and raining and raining. Jen kept asking where was that sun and blue skies we promised. Rick was just a little skeptical. I think we're making up for it now, though. We took the kids out to Charbonneau Park to celebrate a beautiful warm Spring day...even though it was a tad chilly still.


Easter was so fun for us this year. The ward had the cutest Easter egg hunt on the Saturday before Easter and the kids had so much fun. They scattered the field with Easter candy and chips and bottles of pop and the kids just went crazy picking up their loot. Then in the afternoon we colored eggs with Jen, Rick and the kids (more stuff with family!!!) and had a small egg hunt in the backyard. We had Easter dinner with all the fixin's at our house the next day. I love making Easter dinner...ham, potatoes, yummy rolls and pie.


April also found some more good news for this Trimble family. Nate's Dad got a job at Hanford and was able to move he and Nate's Mom here from Arizona. Since all the family is in Washington (mostly on the west side of the state), this was great news for all of us. We were beyond thrilled as we get to have them living just a few minutes away. More family!!! So unexpected, such an incredible blessing for us. We were able to help them find a place to live and move their stuff in just a couple of weeks. Everything just fell together in the way that things do when it's meant to be. The girls think this is the best thing ever, having their grandparents so close by. They love to go over and play with all of Meme and Papa's fun toys and all of the sudden we've become a popular summer destination for all of Nate's sisters' families from the west side. Nate and I have begun to joke that you might want to be careful what you pray your hearts out for...we're not used to all this family time. :-) No, really, it truly is the best!

But best of all for April, was the chance we had to celebrate Kenzie's 8th birthday and her baptism. We were so fortunate to have lots of family travel to be here for this special occasion. My parents came from Utah for the week and three of Nate's sister's families came, as well. It was soooo fun having all this family here (I'm sensing a theme in this blog post, are you?) for Kenzie and she was just thrilled. We packed our little house full of people, Jen's house full of people and Nate's parents' house full of people, too. We were so lucky to get the opportunity to use a friend's indoor pool to host a big birthday party for Kenzie and Jen's little boy, Noah, too. He turned four on the day of Kenzie's baptism, so they shared a pool party together. We had a great lunch and lots of cake and the kids swam to their hearts content, even though it was a breezy, cool day outside. Kenzie got more presents than any 8 year old little girl needs, but she, of course, thought it was "the BEST DAY EVER!!!".


I really stressed about Kenzie's baptism. I never should have, though. It couldn't have been a more perfect event. I was worried that the Stake baptism might not be personal enough or rushed or even too long of a meeting, but none of that was true. The speakers and musical numbers were just right and the baptism itself, was just perfect. I don't think I've ever seen such a sweet, sweet smile on Kenzie's face. She just beamed with joy for hours that evening. All her family was there for her, she had a beautiful dress to wear and she even got to be baptized with her good friends from primary and school. And what a wonderful experience it was to have the chance to watch my incredible husband baptize and confirm our eldest daughter a member of the true Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. There aren't words to describe how incredibly proud of her I was. Afterwards, Kenzie got to go out to eat to her favorite restaurant, Red Robin, with her Grandma and Grandpa and then visit with cousins and go to church with everyone the next day. She even got to sit on the stand with the bishop all through sacrament meeting and she was SOOO good!! Nate and I were able to bear our testimonies and share with her our belief in the good choices she was making. April was a good month.



To be continued...

When... Then...

Have you ever put something off for days, weeks, months or maybe even years with that infamous excuse...Well, when I (insert random reasoning here), then I'll finally (insert thing you've been putting off here)? Yeah, you know you've done it before. For instance, "when the baby stops getting up in the night, then I'll start getting up early to exercise." or "when we finish school and start making more money, then we'll get out of debt." or "when we get a bigger house, then I'll start working on our food storage." or "when I finish having babies, then I'll try to lose all the extra weight." or "when the kids are older and will sit still, then we'll start having more regular Family Home Evenings." I am notorious for making these all-or-nothing statements. I'm a planner, a "get-all-my-chickens-in-a-row" type of person. I like things to go smoothly and make sense. If there were a lesson plan for life, I would spend all my money on it, stay up all night studying it, spend huge amounts of effort and care and worry making sure it was just right and then I'd fall apart when the execution fell through. Because, let's face it people, life doesn't work that way. Especially life with a young family. Nothing goes the way you planned, moments where everything just flows smoothly and easily are usually far and few between and they usually aren't the ones you spent the most time planning them. But somehow I continue to buy into this approach on life. Call it fear of the unknown or even better, terrified of failure, I just keep doing it. I keep putting off life, waiting for the next perfect opportunity to finally start whatever it is I've been putting off.

I know this is a weakness of mine, and I really try to just jump into life and do those things I've been wanting or needing to do and trust that it'll be okay...no matter the outcome. One of my biggest "excuses" or "reasons" for waiting on something? My health. Or, let's be more candid and say, my emotional health. I can't tell you how many things in life I've put off, hoping I could deal with it better or be able to handle it once I felt better. And actually, this "excuse" of mine is a real one and one that I HAVE had to use in my life to let go of those preconceived notions of the person I thought I should or would have been. But not everything is going to wait for me to start feeling better. Like my kiddos. They're growing up whether I'm the mom on the couch too depressed to get up or the mom who jumps up each morning with a smile on her face, ready to tackle another day with absurd amounts of optimism and joy. And it's not like I'm sitting around not being a parent while I wait for the depression to pass. It's just I keep hoping that "when I feel better, then I'll be a better Mommy". Seriously, folks? Is that ever going to happen? Because I might be a better Mommy if I didn't feel like jumping off the nearest bridge every other week of the month, but waiting around for it to happen sure ain't going to get the job done. And my kids sure aren't waiting around to grow up, they just keep doing it...no matter how hard I protest.

So, the point of all this? I've been putting off so much the past couple months, including this blog. My emotional health seems to ride the roller coaster of my hormonal health and I usually get a pretty regular schedule of ups and downs, but lately it seems to be a whole lotta downs. So much so, that I keep waiting to just FEEL a little better, so I could get on here and not sound like the depressed-mom-of-the-month. And that just ain't happenin'. And guess what? When I started this blog all those years ago and no one was reading it but me, I started it with the intent of being totally real and totally candid about depression and anxiety and suicidal thoughts and being a Mom with all of this happening to myself and somewhere I got scared and stopped writing. Somewhere about the time that people actually started reading it. People that would see me at church or the grocery store and despite my best intentions to convince them otherwise, just might form opinions and judgments of me that I wouldn't like. It makes a girl want to run around from person to person and say, "no really, I'm not crazy, I just have some hormonal issues...I really am okay...I really am normal...please like me!" And that's just exhausting, cause no matter what I do or say, there's always going to be people out there that just don't like me or decide to talk trash about me or form opinions of me that aren't based on anything but their own desire to think what they want.

So, these past few months have been amazing and crazy and heart-wrenching and hard and totally NOT on my blog. Hopefully I can fix some of that and actually update you all on the happenings of our lives, but I'm not promising anything. Cause, really?! If I make a plan of any kind, you can be sure it'll fail within the week. :-) Yeah, that's my infinate amounts of optimism talking. Can't you hear it? My mom had more than enough of it to go around and somehow I didn't get ANY! So not fair.

Oh, and excuse the lack of images on my site...we're in the midst of changing things around at our house and the computer that stores my images isn't on right now...

Peace. Calm. Serenity.

Does Meditation Yoga work if your kids are in the room screaming at you?


Yeah, I didn't think so either.