The "Off" Weeks

So I guess these are my "off" weeks of the month. I keep thinking I should blog, but I can't seem to keep a straight thought process long enough to come up with something decent to say. I've never in my life been a very paranoid person, but that seems to be a recurring theme in my month-to-month PMDD lately. Ugly, it is. I seem to get completely wrapped up in these pointless thought-circles. I become convinced that I'm this total loser with only total loser things to say. I worry if people like me anymore. I worry that Nate is mad or sad or annoyed or frustrated...you name it. I'm sure I even help him get there when I constantly ask him if he's upset over and over. I seriously get sick of my own brain. Is that possible? Can it just stop for a few minutes? What makes me even more annoyed? Knowing deep down inside that I don't really feel this way about any of this stuff. You'd think that would help, but no...it just makes me feel more crazy when the thoughts just keep coming. It's a relief when it all calms down and then finally goes away after the period is done. Still, it's shocking to me that something as simple as my hormonal chemistry can add up to all this craziness in my head. If it wasn't so cleverly clockwork, if I didn't have a husband on the outside watching and reminding me, I'd have to commit myself or at least come to the conclusion that I just like to shake things up every few weeks and be someone else for awhile.

So, last week I was trying my best not to be sick anymore. I caught another cold from the kids. What is this, like my 74th this winter?! I went to bed for an entire Sunday and figured that should be good enough, right? Back to business, as usual. After pushing through two days in total denial, I ended up right back in bed. My pushy husband (thanks, Nate) sent me to the doctor and sure enough, it was my 2nd or maybe 3rd sinus infection this year. After two days on the antibiotics and two kids home sick with their own colds, I decided enough was enough. I could barely see the floor in any of the rooms of my house. We were all going to have to resort to wearing recycled underwear (a very disgusting, but sad truth) if I didn't do laundry soon and the fast food dinner containers were making more of an appearance than real food at our house. I got myself up, sick or not and started to clean and cook and do laundry. Somewhere into the laundry piles and heaving and hefting of laundry baskets, I pulled something nasty and mean in my lower back. I literally fell to the floor in pain. I tried to stretch it out, but that was some serious pain. I took some ibuprofen and then hit the floor on my hands and knees. Surely, I could get the family room looking halfway decent without hurting myself too much. Not so much. I ended up attaching myself to a heating pad and recliner for the day, only getting up to tend to two sick girls. Which happened a lot more than my poor back could handle. Again, I spent the weekend moping around in bed. The heat seemed to help and so then I'd try to do some light stretches to help more, but as soon as I tried to resume any normal functions the pain was up and searing again. After some heartfelt praying, I woke up Monday morning feeling much better. If I don't bend too much or try to lift anything, it hasn't been too bad. Monday night though, I tried to do too many things and pulled it again. So, it's been slow-going for us this week. I've been cooped up in this small house for way too long.

We finally took Kenzie to the doctor yesterday afternoon. She keeps acting pretty chipper and fine, but the cough on her sounds like death itself. Turns out the girl has pneumonia! I know! I was so shocked. We've been ordered to surrender ourself to the house for at least two more days. Talk about feeling like a failure in the motherhood department. I let her go to school on Tuesday on Dr. Seuss day even though she was hacking like that. She wanted to go soooooo bad. She seemed fine otherwise! Sorry to all of you who may have been in contact with her. You can now file me away in the folder marked "inconsiderate mommy's who send their children to school when they're sick". Really, I didn't know it was that bad!

So, now you know why I haven't blogged. Do you think I'll make a post rambling about my excuses every month, apologizing for my absence? That could become monotonous fast. Oh well, it IS my blog, after all.