I Hate to Admit...

An idea copied from these three sisters whom I adore: Lisa, Amy and Rachael.

I hate to admit...

::That I have no guilt whatsoever for using the television as a babysitter.

::That I would gladly wear my hair in a ponytail everyday if I didn't feel like such a slacker doing so.

::That if you are a woman who has given birth to even one child and can now fit into clothing in any sizes smaller than a 12 without having to give up all your favorite foods and exercising for months on end, I secretly despise you. Okay, maybe I just secretly envy you, but it sometimes feels a little stronger than that.

::That I know I'm overweight, I know I need to lose the weight, I WANT to lose the weight, but I'm such a HUGE emotional eater and gigantic pessimist that I figure, "why bother, I'll just fail." (And then I eat another bag of candy).

::That sometimes, the ONLY thing that can make me happy is something yummy to eat and fizzy to drink...and I'm afraid I might be teaching this habit to my children.

::That I don't like going to church. I KNOW, it's awful to admit, but it's the truth. It's emotionally and physically exhausting for me, I hate sitting still for that long and being social with everyone just hurts. I know it's where I need to be, I know my children need to be there, I desperately need the extra blessings and yet, I can't help but wish I could just go and not have to talk to anyone, you know? Social anxiety, anyone? Nah, I just don't like people. :)

::That I secretly enjoy listening to music that has "questionable" lyrics. And watching television shows that when I was a teenager my mom would surely walk in and say, "Does this show have any redeeming value?". And sometimes a book that actually has adult themes to it and I don't gasp in shocked horror. I know, I'm going to hell.

::That sometimes I say words like hell and damn. Out loud. (Not in front of the kiddos, though... Give me a little credit, people!)

::That I constantly worry that people won't like me and then I go and admit WAY TOO MUCH on my blog over and over. TMI, anyone?

::That I take a book with me wherever I go and am always reading, even while brushing my teeth. And I liked vampires WAY before there ever was an Edward.

::That two of my all-time favorite television shows were Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Roswell. Live long, teen drama!!

::That my dog figured out how to knock over our laundry hamper and ATE 3 pairs of my underwear this week. Seriously.

::That I sometimes wish I could just go on a date with my sister instead of my husband. Not cause I don't love him, just cause she truly appreciates eating and movies just as much as I do. And she can make me giggle harder than anyone else.

::That I used to have TONS of guilt and stress over making the decision to not have any more children (I'm totally losing my Mormon card over all these confessions, aren't I?), but have slowly come to terms with it and now I not only have no regrets, I'm actually pretty happy about it.

::That I often have a hard time liking my children. Motherhood is NOT what I thought it would be. I do love them to pieces, though. I promise.

::That I'm really, really stubborn and DON'T LIKE being told what to do. Nate has perfected the art of making me think it was my idea. (I'm on to you, babe!) Often when I'm told what to do, I will do the complete opposite even when I know I shouldn't just because... I totally got this trait from my Dad.

::I'm really impatient. I often yell at the computer if it doesn't respond quickly enough or throw remotes when televisions don't work. Yeah, it's a great skill I'm teaching my girls. I just might have gotten this trait from my Dad, as well. :)

::I'm a bit of a snob when it comes to gadget-y stuff. I want a computer that works (a Mac) and I won't quit arguing with you until you agree that they're the best or walk away, that my internet speed MUST be fast enough that I don't ever have to wait (I'll give up grocery money for this!), that software should do what it says it will at a reasonable price, etc. I would rather get a new computer for my anniversary over a new diamond any day.

::I detest letting my kids help in the kitchen (how am I ever going to teach them to cook?!) and I would much rather clean up the house myself than listen to grumbling and whining and complaining to get them to do it. I'm so going to have those girls that go off to college and their roommates hate them because they don't know how to clean up after themselves or cook a meal. Sigh.

::I'm afraid my children don't know what vegetables are, because we don't eat them at our house.

::I came from a home where my mother cooked dinner EVERY night and somehow I barely manage to do it a couple times a week. And I actually LIKE to cook!

::I'm scared to use real onions or garlic in my recipes. They smell and have a funny texture, but I love the taste they give food when someone else uses them.

::I've edited this list about a million times now, afraid people won't like me anymore if I'm too honest.

The End.